an emotionally draining drawing session, to say the least ;;;;;
It’s June. Jongin hates June. He hates June because of what it does to his boyfriend, Luhan. It’s been three years now and he wishes the depression and the tears would go away. But like clockwork, even if Jongin busts his ass to distract him, he knows. He knows with every fiber of his being. His mind won’t let him forget. His heart won’t let him forget. It makes Jongin sick to his stomach.
He knows Luhan loves him. He knows it by the smile in his eyes that shine brighter than the smile on his face. He feels it in every gentle caress, every doting pat, and every scratch down his back. He hears it with every whimper, whine, bellow, and laugh of his name. And Jongin loves him back. And he’s happy. They are happy. But despite the happiness and the love, he knows he cannot compete with the love that Luhan and Minseok once had.
It’s been three years since Minseok passed away in that car accident. It’s been three years since Jongin watched Luhan’s world get turned upside down. Three years since he saw the love of his life crumble into a million pieces. Three years since he vowed that he’d stay by Luhan’s side. But he never knew it’d be this hard. He never knew he’d have to compete with Minseok from the grave. Sure, it was getting better. Easier even. Luhan was distracted easier and for longer. But the Luhan he went to bed with a few days ago was not the Luhan he woke up to.
Jongin leaned against the car, watching from a distance as Luhan meticulously brushed rubbish and dirt off Minseok’s gravestone. He watched as Luhan placed a bouquet of fresh flowers in front of the large marble stone and then light some incense. Jongin could handle this. He could handle driving Luhan to the cemetery. He could handle buy expensive flowers that he knew the grounds keepers would throw away after a day or two. He could handle Luhan telling him to wait by the car as he did these things… But it didn’t mean he liked it. It didn’t mean his heart didn’t ache, knowing that Luhan still loved the dead man more than he’d ever love him.
Jongin watched as Luhan’s shoulders shook with tell-tale signs of his crying and suddenly he no longer could clearly see. The colors of the clear blue sky and the lush green grass blurred together as he fought back his tears. He placed a hand over his beating heart, clutching at his hoodie in a pathetic attempt to calm the pain. The pain escalated, making Jongin gasp, when the sound of Luhan’s broken sobs and wails reached his ears. He could hold back no more. Tears overflowed as he stared off into the distance. And Jongin can’t help but wonder how he is supposed to comfort a man whose heart doesn’t truly belong to him.